I never thought I needed Renfrew as much as I did but this past year, I spent seven months ascending and descending the levels of care like a pyramid at The Renfrew Center of Radnor before my discharge from outpatient therapy on December 6th. When I entered treatment in May, my life changed for the better although I didn't know it then. I have been struggling with food for as long as I can remember. That struggle turned completely disordered by the time I was 16-years-old. This has led to a variety of symptoms, attempts to do it alone, attempts with therapists, and outright thinking that I would be stuck like this forever. When I showed up to my intake appointment in May, I was moving so fast I didn't know how to stop. At 23-years-old, I was working a full time in a job that I wasn't thrilled about, enrolled in a master's program, and teaching yoga in my spare time. I began in outpatient treatment because I didn't have the time to start the program right away, and honestly I wasn't sure if I needed it. I thought I didn't need to make any connections or talk about anything in a group and I needed constant reassurance that I was supposed to be there (which I always got!) By the time I stepped up from IOP to Day Treatment, and then back down I had a new job waiting for me, took a break from school, and was only teaching one yoga class a week. I slowed down. Funnily enough as it turns out, leaving my therapist at Renfrew and the safe space I created there has been the hardest thing I've done all year! Being fairly new to being finished at Renfrew, recovery is something new every moment. It's certainly not the linear, logical process that I hoped it would be. It's something I still have to work on every single day. It's messy and confusing, nothing like the neat little boxes I used to keep my life in. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I don't, but it's worth it. If I learned anything from my time at Renfrew it's that it is okay to just be here. It's okay to feel every bit of what I am feeling and to live, learn and remember to breathe as I go. I'm so grateful for everyone who has helped me along the way! Bio: Bridget Clawson is an alumna of The Renfrew Center of Radnor. She works as a Registered Nurse in the Cardiac Center at CHOP and she loves teaching and practicing yoga in her spare time. She is enjoying taking her recovery day by day and is passionate about eating disorder awareness and advocacy. She hopes to one date start a blog but for now you can connect with on her Instagram @b_claws.