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Stories of Recovery

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Molly Wagle

This past New Year's Eve marks 10 years since I hit rock bottom. It was a brutal time in my life, but also the start of my journey to become vibrant, healthy, and whole again. I was admitted to The Renfrew Center of Philadelphia - again. My second stay at Renfrew was wonderful, especially because I wanted to be there. I was furious that ED was stealing years of my life - the years that were supposed to be the best years, were the years I spent battling every moment, with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. So I got mad. It was that anger that fueled my recovery. For so long, I was terrified of anger. I felt that the "perfect" daughter, friend, student, etc., shouldn't ever be angry, and I had buried that anger for years. The anger came out, especially towards ED. When I would feel like giving up, I would think about how awful ED was, and that anger would spur me on to "do the next right thing," no matter what had just happened a moment before.

From inpatient, I went to outpatient, IOP, and eventually standard therapy sessions. During IOP, I started working at a plant nursery. As I watched the plants begin to leaf out and flower, I was doing the same. As the buds were opening into blooms of beautiful colors, my life began to fill with vibrancy and away from the dull, cold gray of the eating disorder. I began to glimpse that life truly is beautiful without ED!

For the next few years I had ups and many downs, but I always kept the goal in the forefront of my mind: a life where ED no longer controlled me. I consistently went to therapy. Over the years, we peeled the layers of my personal onion and worked on patching the deep, dark corners of my inner workings and letting in the light. Therapy, yoga, and spending time in nature were critical for my healing. In the midst of falling apart, they would mend the pieces enough for me to move forward again.

My consistent "training" with therapy has paid off. I am now strong enough to brush off the tempting whispers and negative thoughts. I love my free, vibrant life and refuse to be under the rule of an eating disorder any longer.

Bio: Molly Wagle is an alumna of The Renfrew Center of Philadelphia. She resides in the greater Philadelphia area with her husband and daughter. She has a BS in Material Science and Engineering and works as a Sr. Engineer in the medical device field, with the goal of helping to improve the lives of others.